Postpartum Conflict Is Normal: How Couples Can Communicate After Baby
Postpartum Conflict Is Normal: How Couples Can Communicate After Baby
The postpartum period can be both deeply meaningful and incredibly challenging for couples. Sleep deprivation, shifting roles, constant caregiving, and emotional overwhelm can make communication feel harder than it ever has before. If you’re noticing more tension, misunderstandings, or conflict after having a baby, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with your relationship—it means you’re navigating a major life transition.
In the webinar Talking Through the Tension, Zola Counseling therapist Samantha Kendall, LGMFT shares practical tools to help couples communicate with more care and clarity during the postpartum period. This post offers a brief overview of those ideas, while the full video provides deeper explanation, examples, and language you can use in real life.
👉 Watch the full webinar here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYm6vnz4ELQ
Why Conflict Often Feels Stronger After Baby
When couples are exhausted and emotionally stretched, the nervous system shifts into survival mode. This can lead to reactions like snapping, shutting down, or assuming the worst about your partner’s intentions.
Many of these moments are stress responses, not relationship failures. Understanding this can help reduce shame and open the door to more compassion—for yourself and your partner. If you’re early in your therapy journey, you may also find it helpful to read what to expect in your first couples therapy session as you consider support options.
Common Communication Patterns Couples Fall Into Postpartum
In the video, Samantha highlights several communication patterns that often emerge after baby, especially when parents are overwhelmed:
criticism instead of needs
defensiveness instead of listening
shutting down when emotions feel too big
sarcasm or tone that erodes emotional safety
These patterns are common and understandable—but they can also keep couples stuck. Learning to recognize them is an important step toward change.
A Simple Communication Framework: Pause, Name, Reframe
At the core of the webinar is a simple tool couples can begin practicing right away:
Pause before responding
Name what you’re feeling using “I” statements
Reframe blame into a clear, specific request
While this overview introduces the framework, the video walks through how to use it when emotions are already high—something that’s much easier to grasp when you hear it modeled aloud.
👉 Watch the full walkthrough here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYm6vnz4ELQ
Why Communication Feels Personal (And Why That Makes Sense)
Your communication style didn’t start in parenthood—it was shaped by family dynamics, culture, and past relationships. Postpartum stress often brings those patterns to the surface, especially for parents who were taught to minimize their needs or “push through.”
If this resonates, you may also want to check out Samantha’s related post on support and self-compassion for moms, which explores how internal pressure and burnout affect emotional connection after baby.
Repair Matters More Than Avoiding Conflict
Conflict is unavoidable in any relationship—especially postpartum. What matters most is how couples repair after hard moments.
In the webinar, Samantha introduces a simple repair structure that helps partners reconnect, take responsibility, and move forward without minimizing the impact of what happened. This section of the video is particularly helpful for couples who feel stuck in repeat arguments.
One Small Step to Try This Week
Choose one moment this week—during bedtime, feeding, or a logistics conversation—to pause, name how you’re feeling, and make one clear request. Even small shifts can reduce tension and increase a sense of teamwork.
For deeper guidance, real-life examples, and supportive language you can borrow, watch Talking Through the Tension: Communication and Connection After Baby on YouTube.
Explore More in Therapy 101
If you’re navigating the early stages of parenthood or considering therapy, our Therapy 101 section includes additional resources on getting started. These articles are designed to help you feel informed, supported, and confident as you take next steps.
About the Author
This article was written by Samantha Kendall, LGMFT, a Marriage and Family Therapist with a clinical focus on maternal mental health, life transitions, and relationship dynamics. Samantha works with individuals and couples navigating pregnancy, postpartum changes, identity shifts, and the emotional challenges that can arise during parenthood.
If you’re considering therapy and want to explore whether Samantha may be a good fit, you can learn more about her clinical approach and areas of expertise or book a free phone consultation with Samantha to discuss your needs and next steps.
