How To Change What You Say To Yourself - and Why You Should
Have you ever noticed when you start thinking about something, you start to notice it more and more? Like, when you’re in the market for a new car and decide that you want to get a certain type of car, and then all of a sudden – you start seeing that car everywhere. Or, when you think someone is ‘acting different’ around you, you start to notice every little thing they do that might support that thought. Even if they were doing those things before, now that you’ve convinced yourself they’re being different, you start to view their behaviors differently.
Our thoughts are powerful.
The power of our thoughts can be both a good and bad thing. When we allow ourselves to ruminate about an experience that we either loved or hated, our emotions and behaviors may follow suit. It’s important to recognize this power and be mindful of the things that you think and say aloud.
Many times, our negative thoughts can cause us to experience something negatively, therefore have negative emotions about it, and sometimes it continues or intensifies the negative experience. These thoughts can be about another person, a specific situation, or even negative thoughts about ourselves. When we allow them to consume our minds, these thoughts can have harmful effects.
The next time you find yourself getting caught up in your negative thoughts, try to find a way to reframe them. Lots of the work in therapy consists of reframing your thought process so that you can experience things in your life differently. While you will irrefutably encounter experiences in your life that are negative, we can decrease the intensity of the negative responses we have when we make efforts to change the way we think about them. Will you still have bad days? Yes. You are human, and no human is exempt from experiencing hardship. While there are many things that will be out of your control – what you CAN control is the way you choose to think about them.
The next time you find yourself worrying about something, thinking negatively about an experience or having intense emotional reactions to something, ask yourself these questions!
1. Is there another way to look at this?
2. Is there any evidence to support this thought?
3. Is this thought based on my emotions or based on fact?
4. Could I be misinterpreting or making assumptions?
5. Might other people have a different interpretation of this same situation?
6. Am I looking at all the evidence, or just what supports my thought?
7. Is my thought the likely scenario or the worst case scenario?
After asking yourself these questions, try to find a more neutral, realistic view of the situation. While it may be challenging to find a ‘positive’ in an obviously negative situation, by finding a neutral stance – neither positive nor negative – you can decrease the intensity of your emotional reaction.